HAR!HAR!HAR!

A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflect on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, "When you first saw my naked body, in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replies, "All I wanted to do was fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry."

"What are you thinking now?" the wife asks as she undresses.

The husband quickly replies: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."
~~

Muldoon lives with his dog in the countryside. When the dog dies, Muldoon goes to the parish priest. "Father, could you say a mass for the poor creature?"
The father explains, "We can’t have services for an animal in the church, but there’s a new denomination down the road. Maybe they’ll do something for him."

"Thanks," says Muldoon. "Do you think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service?"

The father replies, "Why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic?"
~~

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session.

“I’m not aware of the nature of your problem,” the doctor said. “So perhaps you should start at the very beginning.”

"Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth."
~~